Setting Healthy Boundaries
Setting healthy boundaries will help you kept yourself aligned with your authentic self. Boundaries are a form of self-love. Honouring our limits helps us to take better care of ourselves, build integrity with others, prevent burnouts, and improves manifesting more meaningful and authentic relationships in our lives.
Setting boundaries protect our best interests and help loved ones understand us better.
While we weren’t taught these vital skills in school it's never too late to start implanting them into your life. Here are a few things to implement.
1 | Tune into your feelings
Our bodies always give us signals when we are near a personal limit.
Notice if you feel tense, yucky in the tummy, jaw tightening. Feeling a sense of anxiety. It could be a feeling in your throat or stomach. Or maybe you can feel your mood completely change. Honour what your body is telling you. Take time to explore your discomfort and understand what your body is telling you.
2 | Understand your priorities.
Your time is a limited resource. You cannot please everyone. If you try you have purchased a one-way ticket to burnout and resentment. You also deny yourself the pleasure of growth on focusing on what you value. If someone is not being transparent with you it's time you reassess your friendship and create boundaries. Take time to write a list of what your priorities are and compare it to where you spend your time and energy and adjust accordingly. This simple exercise can expose what boundaries you need to set.
3 | Communicate with clarity.
Practise and feel comfortable saying no. “No, thank you.” “Thanks, but I can’t.”
If someone you care about has violated your boundaries, you may want to give them more information. Here is a helpful template to express your frustration:
When you ___________, I felt ______________.
Please don’t ___________.
_____________ is important to me.
4 | Get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
Get ready to feel awkward, scared, guilty, or even nervous. These feelings are normal at the start for addressing your limits and asserting your boundaries. Eventually, you’ll become kick ass at saying no. The more you apply the easier it gets.
5 | Take Space.
If someone downright disrespected your boundaries and caught you off guard, it's ok to take some time out from them to recentre and to reflect. Say “I need some time to think about what just happened. I’d like to come back to this conversation in a few hours/days.” You deserve that time to be able to evaluate how you feel and your response.
6 | Be prepared for pushback.
Do not be surprised if some people react poorly to your feedback. People who are controlling, manipulative, abusive, or who have unhealthy boundaries themselves may be triggered when you set a boundary. You can express your limits with compassion, but it’s not your job to make it okay for them.
7 | Create consequences.
Develop clarity around what you want to do if someone consistently disrespects your boundaries. Will you take a break from the relationship? Choose something that you are willing and ready to do and stay firm.
8 | Stay True to you
Always stick by your feelings and respect yourself enough to protect yourself from anything that disrupts your inner peace. Stay strong and remind yourself why you set the boundaries and put them into action.
Only let into your inner circle all that is true to you.
Let your inner beauty shine.